Like Seeks Like

As I was travelling home on the tram tonight, I was sitting opposite a group of 3 people in their early 20's, 2 females and 1 male. One of the women was holding court with the conversation and very loudly at that. A superficial description of them would be thus: HER: pretty, blonde, overweight, confident and loud, with the emphasis on loud. The 2nd female was pretty, brunette, petite; the male can only be described as a "geek". I use inverted commas because the word itself summons up an image that I do not need to describe – but for the purposes of this blog and my own satisfaction I shall do just that – tall, thin, disproportionate features. He sat goggle eyed at the speaker laughing at her every laugh regardless of what she had said adding a few words here and there. The 2nd female sat quiet as a mouse nodding at the appropriate times. They all held tightly in their hands "grande" cups of coffee from Starbucks. I could not help but think that "she" initiated the purchase of that size of coffee which would have been required for the trip.

A few seats away a group of 4 (2 couples) sat happily conversing away, every so often eyeballing the whacked out guy pacing up and down the aisle for no apparent reason. The younger of the 2 couples looked very similar – a visual image may allow you to think, for this scenario, Librarians. Soon enough the 2 groups were competing for my aural attention as a female from the 2nd group started talking a few decibels louder than necessary. I can't remember now what either group was talking about but neither was of great interest and it's not relevant now.

There I was, leaving work 3 hours later than expected, sitting quietly trying to read my book that is taking me months to get through because of the detail – it's too late to give up now and I am still interested in the story – and all I can think about is my, probably harsh, judgement of these people.

Which brings me to: Like Seeks Like. By that I mean; geeks seek geeks, beautiful people seek beautiful people, artists seek artists, accountants seek accountants – don't they?? My name is Tracey: I am a misfit and I seek misfits. I have called myself a misfit (to myself) for a long time now and I have just realised that it is other misfits that I seek out, within reason. Anyone I meet who shows a slight tendency away from the norm or hints at the raw honesty that I project, attracts my attention. I will question them or pursue a friendship where possible because those qualities interest me and they are not attached to everyone. It can alienate me at times but that is something I continually learn to deal with when the time comes.

Why do I think this of myself? Well, we describe ourselves and everyone else, including our friends into groups, the titles of which are usually generated by the media/society. I don't think that I fit into any of the clichéd social groups that society fit us in to and I probably never will.

I am not a geek – I don't even have broadband
I am not one of the beautiful people (such as those who saunter through Chapel St boutiques and eateries watching people watching them)
I am fashion conscious but not really savvy
I cannot do the schmoozing thing that an actor may be required to do
I am not gay so I cannot be pigeon-holed by society for that alone
I am not an accountant!
I am not one half of a couple and have no/do not want any, children

Okay, the last statement isn't fair. Oops, I mean the second last statement! My point is that I tried to think of what "group" or "type" of person I could be described as, rather than just the ordinary "nice", "great fun", "stubborn", "opinionated", etc, which I might add, is ssooo boring! I am single which can put me into a category, but that is not the focus of this blog. Moving on...
Back to the tram ride and as I was thinking how annoying these "loud" people were but at the same time captured by how much their audience was captured by them, my thoughts went like this:

She is so annoying;
Shutup, I am trying to read;
He/she is watching her every move;
They all have huge coffee cups, I bet she organised that, I can tell;
Lower your voice, I know I talk loud but when I am on a tram I hold back;
She isn't saying anything of great interest but they are hanging on every word;
What brought these 3 people together;
They are an unlikely match, oh maybe not;
Oh, those people down there are talking loudly now;
So what, shutup, I am trying to read;
I could never be friends with her!!!!!!!!!
They are all so annoying! Shutupppppp!!!!!!!!!!!

Initially I classified the 3 as "geeks" but the combination wasn't quite right for it to be exclusive so I went for "nerds" which is basically the same and just as awful but slightly different in a technical way. How do I know that? I don't, it's just my JUDGEMENT! I was horrified at myself for what I was thinking but I couldn't help it.

What if I am like one of these people I describe and I don't know it? My natural voice is very loud, just like these people, although when I am in public I DO TRY my best to keep it down (someone will usually tell me if I don't notice it). And so what if I look like a Librarian? What does a Librarian look like anyway?

I try and try to imagine myself as one of the "types" of people I have described or even one of those that I have not commented on – I must fit in there somewhere, surely. I have been trying to describe my inner/outer self for a while now for various reasons and it is very difficult to remain objective but it's something that I constantly think about for various purposes.

Oh, I can definitely "turn it on" when I need to, I don't deny that "show off" aspect of my personality but I label myself a misfit and that's okay, I quite like it because I don't want to be like anyone else. But what does misfit mean to someone else?